The Untethered Life
Occasionally I awake in the morning, with my eyes still closed and my mind half in a dreamy state, I imagine I’m back in that big cozy bed, with the ocean breeze coming through an open summer window, wrapped in his arms embrace. I breathe in the scents of him combined with fresh air and I feel at peace, almost forgetting for a brief moment that it no longer exists.
When my eyes open and the fog lifts, realizing I’m in a new city, a new country, a strange place, a strange bed, I smile at the memory. I miss it, I miss him, them, all of it, but there are no regrets. I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am doing exactly what I am meant to do.
It’s a strange place in my mind. Feeling held between missing what is past and loving what is present. Sometimes I hear a song and it puts me right back into that time, I feel the wetness on my cheeks as the tears slide down, but I am not sad. I am, finally, incredibly happy. I can’t help to wonder though, where will this all lead? How long until the longing and the missing consume the happiness. How can I continue on so conflicted? At a loss between this life I want to live, this world I want to experience, but held by a desire to be with all those people I love. The untethered life is a strange unusual place full of contradictions and wild emotion. Each day is like a roller coaster of excitement and thrill followed by missing and questioning. It’s been 2 months since I left the States, 6 months since I quit my job and 19 months since I made the choice to change my life forever. Where will all this lead?
Every person I have encountered on this journey asks the inevitable question:
“When will it end?”
The truth is, I don’t have an answer and when I try to relay this in response they never understand. I don’t blame them. I’m not sure I even understand. I just keep moving forward, one day at a time.